you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
