I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I wear drunk well.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
