I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
