my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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