In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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