Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think your dad took our porno
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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