she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
