So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
