I have demons in me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
