We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
