she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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