We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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