i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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