tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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