i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
