Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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