The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
