so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
