Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
where does the pee come out of this thing
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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