afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
