I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
