I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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