You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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