I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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