Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
