I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
