sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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