Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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