Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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