What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
