Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
