it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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