I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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