i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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