and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
