Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
