Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
