Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
smell my finger.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
