Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
