So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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