umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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