tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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