Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
