I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
