It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
