how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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