I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
