If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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