he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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