Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
