eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.