i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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