Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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