I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All the doctor said was why
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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