she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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