U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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