it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
