I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
