I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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