We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
