Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
