Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am spending my child support on dildos
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
