Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
