non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
