who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
