he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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