Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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