i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
