i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
