oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
