Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
