Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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