I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
