Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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