i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
