u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
