Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
