My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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