At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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